I feel lonely. I try not to, I really try. I’m on medication, weekly therapy but I feel like it’s just bullshit. I know things aren’t going to change immediately but fuck isn’t at least something change?

Last time I went to my psychiatrist I couldn’t hold my tears since the way she spoke to me made me feel like the worst piece of shit on this planet.

The blood dropping down my fingertips made me feel so calm.

Don’t you ever wish all the lights went off so you could cry there in peace?

I don’t recognise myself anymore. I’ve got milion thoughts in my head and I can never out them into words, and when I eventually do, they don’t seem to want to get out of my mouth. I wanna talk about it but I feel ashamed of myself. I feel like I’m causing more problems than I should. I want this to be over. I want 2020 to be the last, the one I eventually disappear and stop bothering others.

I get so involved and always at the end of the day I end up with nothing. Why? Just why? Am I that useless?

If I were you, I’d probably forget me too.